On Discovering Life

The art of listening is something I am constantly learning. And I think it’s especially critical when entering into a mentoring relationship.

When you ask someone to be your mentor, you are essentially asking them to provide counsel in wisdom. Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that there advice is flawless and you should hang on to every word he or she says. But there’s a level at which you need to prepare your heart to learn and maybe even be challenged.

I think some people just like to say that they have a mentor but don’t want real change and that’s scary. It’s scary because you can begin to deceive yourself and really believe real change is happening with no work.

Listening may be another simple concept but it’s too often forgotten. As a person being mentored (and for the mentor as well) sometimes its just better to shut up and listen.

This is probably the simplest yet most important thing to remember when you are being mentored.

Your mentor has put a lot of time in preparing for your time together, so show up on time and come prepared with whatever was asked of you.

The times I’ve skimmed through readings or half did assignments, I got very little out of my time with my mentor.

Show up and be prepared.

Candor – unreserved, honest, or sincere expression

My candor is why some individuals may have moments where they regret asking me to be their mentor. And it is probably the hardest part for me as a mentor.

But at the end of the day, if I really care, I will be honest. If I really care, I’m going to ask the questions that may make them angry or make them cry or make them come face to face with sin in their life.

Mentoring, for me, is a lot like spiritual parenting. I’m obviously not going to punish anyone I mentor but I will rebuke them in love and call them out. I approach my mentoring relationships with a ‘no nonsense’ attitude and the women I mentor are aware that I ‘don’t play games.’

But all of this does not come without some effect on me. There are moments when an individual is not responsive or angry with me or assumes that I ‘just don’t get it.’ I would be lying if I said those things don’t hurt but I’ve come to a point in my understanding of mentoring where I deem that temporary pain worth meaningful change.

I had to learn to speak truth regardless of how it may make me feel. Confrontation is uncomfortable for me, mainly because I am well aware of my own downfalls. But mentoring requires a unique form of selflessness. A selflessness that says ‘This is hard, you may hate me after I say this, but I think you’re worth it.’